What can be cooked from squid: fast and tasty

Many girls of the twenty-first century often experience the feeling of a woman “abandoned” by a man.

Some men don’t call after the first date, others don’t answer the phone and avoid dating after the fifth date, and there are those who, after several months of a seemingly wonderful relationship, leave their soul mate, saying only: "It's not about you, it's about me...", and looking meaningfully, go into the sunset.

The fair sex does not believe in this hackneyed phrase and begins to look for reasons for parting in a man. She digs into him like children in the sand, not thinking that they parted, maybe not through his fault. Although there is still some share of a man here, he was afraid of something, he didn’t like something. But what?

There are several types of women, meeting with whom a man brought up in a patriarchal environment feels some uselessness or infringement. Such women, as a rule, are self-sufficient and independent, but, unfortunately, they themselves do not realize this.

This is the type of women who earn for themselves, and earn well. They have everything that money can give, except for one thing - a beloved man.

Next to such a powerful woman, a man feels inferior. Equality has reached a decent level in the modern world, but most men adhere to the rule that the husband is the breadwinner and breadwinner, and next to a successful, and even powerful woman, he feels his uselessness. He will realize that he will not be able to provide her with a familiar life, and will immediately run away to another, simpler (but not to a simple!) girl. Just do not confuse the concepts of a strong woman and domineering. Just strong women like men.

Too much mind

Smart women are also not very attractive to men. And the point here is not in the level of IQ, but in the arrogant attitude of a woman defiantly showing her outstanding mind in all its manifestations. In fact, if a woman were smart, she would never allow herself to belittle a man because he did not read anything or his social position does not correspond to her status.

Complete pessimism

Girls and women who are disappointed in life, do not believe in anything good, never smile and are always nervous, are also not a magnet for the male population.

Men love smiles, perky laughter and joyful mood. You should not moan and complain about life, you need to look at life with a positive.

Grandmother with a trough

You should not be arrogant and take all the actions of a man, whether it be gifts or attention, for granted. You should thank your partner for wonderful surprises, do not neglect praise.

Psychologists have formulated the main types of women that men are afraid of. However, all women are individual, as are the representatives of the stronger sex. Someone is ready to live their whole life with a business woman, and someone will fall in love with a pessimist.

Ecology of consciousness. Psychology: Long years of living in a divorce taught me to see the subtleties that family people do not notice, being at the epicenter of family dramas playing out.

Long years of living in a divorce have taught me to see the subtleties that family people do not notice, being at the epicenter of family dramas being played out.

For instance, I see married men walking away from their wives. They can be recognized immediately, from the first chords of communication. There is no sexual hunger in them, they will not undress you with their eyes and try to drag you into the nearest doorway. They have sex in the family.

They are distinguished from faithful husbands by a strong emotional hunger, expressed not only in their eyes, but also in their movements., theatrical pauses, beautiful words that they are unable to realize.No, not because the wife cannot give him emotional contact, but simply they themselves are not capable of long-term intimacy.

Subtleties of family life: look for a woman

They need the role of a victim with the search for a rescuer in the person of "one who understands him" and the current aggressor in the house in the form of a wife who is tired and dissatisfied with the state of affairs. They are looking for a woman-dream, who should remain far and inaccessible, and provoke their earthly wife to aggression by creating a distance and not giving her support, so that it is justified to continue to look for their "one who will understand him."

I also see women well, from whom husbands walk. They are distinguished by a heightened sense of their own inadequacy and a fanatical search for "what am I doing wrong" and "what needs to be done to return everything" against the backdrop of a constant, poisonous feeling of guilt. No, they certainly never admit the idea that there are now three of them in a pair.

They will justify the loss of emotional contact and boring sex (and sometimes its absence): “he works hard,” “he has problems at work,” “he has an existential crisis,” “he tries for us,” and so on. And the husband will deny to the last, calling her paranoid and hysterical. Men, for some reason, think that his second life does not concern his wife.

But most often, wives do not justify their husbands, but blame themselves:“I began to pay a lot of attention to children and my husband feels unnecessary, we need to get together and make sure that my husband has enough attention”, “I am too unrestrained, tired, ugly, I don’t smile when he comes, I take out his brain, so he closes and runs from at home", "I put too much pressure on him, I behave like a man, I lack female wisdom", "I got fat and eat cakes, he doesn't want me anymore."

This is still kindly broadcast to her by her husband, returning to the family from someone else's bed. The feeling of guilt that he displaces in himself, spending his time, money and emotional resources on the side, is transferred to the family.

I like to repeat - couples have common feelings. The one with the most feelings wins. Therefore, from the threshold he must give his guilt to others, so that it would not be so hard to bear it alone. To share, so to speak, this burden with a faithful and devoted wife, especially since she most often does not mind.

But how to do it? That's right, devalue her in your eyes, tell her about her failure, to have a reasonable excuse in front of him - why he walked in other people's sheets and the flowers are in a vase of a strange woman. And then, tell his wife that she herself is to blame for his coldness and flight from home.

And the husband begins to cling to trifles, get annoyed with scattered toys and cups placed in the wrong place, find fault with words, make a scandal out of the blue, refuse to talk, sometimes directly insult and (I saw this too) raise his hand.

If the position is running, will start attacking directly:"Look at yourself, you stopped being a woman, you got fat, you press like a man and blow my mind, I don't want to go home, because you are always unhappy, you are like a log in bed, go learn ...."

And many things like that. But in fact, everything is very simple - he already has another woman in his thoughts and, most likely (if sex is completely gone and he avoids intimacy), in bed. And for a long time. And she, most likely, is already demanding her own. Therefore, his guilt towards her is also shifted to his wife (she will survive, she is strong).

Well, not everything is so simple, you say, it also happens that there is no woman there and many couples live in such a distance all their lives. Yes, sometimes. But it doesn't happen "suddenly". Relationships usually begin with such emotional (and sometimes physical) violence. In couples where the wife is a masochist and she needs a sadist, this is their main game to separate and then reunite contact and intimacy. Although, in such couples, a man walks from the very beginning of the relationship and this is part of their family scenario. But when at first everything was fine, there was love, understanding and respect, and suddenly the husband was changed and he became cold and cruel - cherchez la femme.

A child, work, lack of money, changes in the body, health and an untimely dinner are not destructive for a family if for two (I repeat - for two) relationships are a value, and partners are ready to respect each other and support in any situations. And if something goes wrong with them, the two of them begin to look for a way out. The family building collapses when one has already left, but forgot to tell about it, and the first one still leans on it out of habit and falls, not understanding what is happening.

Unfortunately, I have never been wrong. And I would like to be honest, but every time in such stories a woman pops up. When I see this anxiety with the search for a way out - how to return the location of my husband, what am I doing wrong, why is he irritated, closed, blaming and presenting, it makes me want to say - Run, Forest, run!

It's not about you. No matter how you turn now, no matter what underwear you buy, no matter what deep throat you do, and no matter what dinner you cook, it will only get worse. You are already being devalued and you unconsciously carry his guilt, drowning in it like sticky dirty slime. And you yourself know this, but you are afraid to admit it to yourself, because from childhood you are used to taking everything on yourself and feeling your failure. It only stirs up your trauma in you.

But, I am silent, because we have both - not caught, not a thief. And it's not my business to climb into someone else's family. But some time passes and I find out - yes, there is a mistress. Not an affair, not drunk, but a constant, long-term lover. And I sadly think that if women lived from their dignity, from the position "I choose", I choose the attitude towards myself, feelings, self-perceptions, they wouldn't waste time in a destructive relationship by giving up the role of a whipping girl in time. It would hurt, but at least they kept their respect.

But, there is a resource in this. A man who broadcasts to a woman "you are insolvent" pushes a woman who takes it upon herself to change, grow, search for a new one. In this state, they most often reach therapy. Yes, when she later learns about her mistress, she is horrified by the deceit and futility of her attempts to "save the family", but everything that she learned, how she changed, what passed - remains with her. And this is a good foundation to stand on your axis, start creating your own world and not take on what is not it.

Recognition is one of the main human needs. Therefore, people seek to establish meaningful, warm relationships with others. Dependent behavior is an extreme, when recognition is needed at any cost, and without attachment, a person faces the horror of loneliness and rejection. The other extreme is the desire to "stay good" for others and for oneself.

From childhood, we receive the installation: if you want to be loved, behave well, that is, in the way that your parents like. Do not hurt others, and the content of this "hurts" can vary from "inflicted physical injury" to "called five minutes later than promised." Be good and you will be rewarded... Sometime in the future.

Treat others as you would like to be treated... The wonderful "golden rule of ethics" is based on one of the most important manifestations of humanity - empathy. The problem is that any moral rule, elevated to an absolute, becomes impossible to fulfill. And you have to make deals with your conscience - or completely abandon your desires, because they often come into conflict with the desires of other people.

The girl is burdened by relations with her boyfriend, but she is in no hurry to stop them. There is an opportunity to leave - but it remains. "What keeps you in this relationship?" - “I don’t know ...” - “And if we imagine that he left you, and not you him?” - “At this thought, I feel relief ... And even joy!”

Where is the joy here? She didn't turn out to be "bad", but he did.

Four ways to stay good

This happens often: partners prefer to live in chronic discomfort, and not go through strong and painful experiences, even if they are short-lived. When the initiative to break up comes from you, and the partner does not seem to feel such a desire, it is simply impossible to be “good”. "Save" the standard scenarios.

1. Wait for an excuse to break up

The betrayal of a partner is perceived with hidden joy - here it is, the reason to disperse. You remain good and in righteous anger, and he ... Now, if he was faithful, then everything would be different, but now there’s nothing to be done, you can’t forgive betrayal ...

2. Run away without a showdown

For example, a man suddenly disappeared from a woman’s life without explaining anything, only by writing a short text message, something like “it’s all over between us.” The pain of the abandoned is intensified due to the fact that they parted with her in this way. But the man was able to avoid the intense experience of his own "badness".

3. Stay with your partner and hope everything works out.

Or it won't work. But you will be left with the feeling of a martyr proudly carrying his cross, suffering in the name of lofty goals. Expect a reward, be offended by its absence and wait, wait ... "We are responsible for those we have tamed" - one of the formulas of psychological dependence on other people, which makes any new relationship impossible. It may apply to animals, but not to humans.

4. Break up with the words "It's not about you, it's about me"

Behind this phrase there may be a desire to present oneself as a person sacrificing himself in the name of the well-being of the “abandoned” side. "I'm not worthy of you", "you deserve a better share." It is much more difficult to bring down the anger from a breakup on such a holy person than on someone who openly and directly declares that he is leaving. But behind beautiful words hides "I want to leave you, but I want you to think well of me."

When it's good to be bad

The paradox is that it is precisely these avoidance strategies that provoke anger and resentment more often than the breakup itself. Even when both partners are ready to end the relationship. Because there is no direct and frank conversation.

You can move away from the evaluative categories "good - bad" - they greatly simplify both the personality and the perception of what is happening. “I am the one who leaves you, I understand that I hurt you. I don't want this, I'm sad and hurt by your pain, but I've made a decision." Not sadistic and insensitive "I don't need you anymore, that's it, finish"...

The nuances are also important. Did the departing person do anything to save the relationship? Does he escape from the accumulated problems into new, more “comfortable” relationships, or is his step deliberate and the result of processes that have been going on in a couple for a long time? Is he trying to ease the pain of a breakup?

Breaking up, when you find the strength to be there and listen to reproaches in your address, requires a lot of courage, but saves something very important. Probably what is called human dignity.

Where is the joy here? She didn't turn out to be "bad", but he did.

Four ways to stay good

1. Wait for an excuse to break up

2. Run away without a showdown

3. Stay with your partner and hope everything works out.

4. Break up with the words "It's not about you, it's about me"

When it's good to be bad

Breaking up, when you find the strength to be there and listen to reproaches in your address, requires a lot of courage, but saves something very important. Probably what is called human dignity.

It always seemed to me: it happened, so it happened. What the hell does it matter why the sky has once again collapsed on my head? It collapsed, therefore, it is necessary to survive.

You're perfect.
- Are you laughing? I have a lot of shortcomings.
- In you, the sea. And I seem to be drowning.

This is the meaning of the New Year - to get another chance, a chance to forgive. To do better, to do more, to give more, to love more and not worry about what would have been, but to perceive life as it is.

Don't be a jerk - give the person a second chance. Don't be an idiot - never give a third.

Lord, if I hurt others, give me the strength to apologize... If people hurt me, give me the strength to forgive them...

When fate gives you a chance, don't miss it. Only then will you know what you were born for.

Tell me and I will forget, show me and I will remember, let me do and I will understand.

When I was 14 years old, I thought that 40 years is so far away that this will never happen. Or it will, but not for me. But now I’m almost 40, but I understand: it really won’t be because I’m still 14.

Give every day a chance to be the most beautiful day of your life!