What can you cook from squid: quick and tasty
Scene for schoolchildren. (A play from school life)
DEAR TEACHERS!
Characters:
Leading,
Zaitsev,
Lisitsyn,
Morkovkin,
Raccoons,
Goshkin,
Koshkin,
Senkina,
Lastochkin.
Part 1
Leading (from students): Dear audience! I propose to declare our paramount solemn meeting open! Today there is one problem on the agenda: to decide what to do next with the school.
Students (from the seat): Right! How much can you endure!
Leading: Because we do not observe the main law of school life - "Learning should be fun!" The floor for the report is given to the main truant of the class, Zaitsev.
Zaitsev: Why am I skipping? Because my body requires sleep. Moreover, in a comfortable environment. I don't get enough sleep on my desk. And then, there are such indelicate teachers who wake up at the most inopportune moment. I personally think this is a disgrace!
Lisitsyn (from the seat): Don't wake you up, so you fall on your neighbors! On the contrary, I think the main problem is that the lesson is too boring! There should be loud music, a disco there, something like that!
Leading: I ask you to follow the rules! And you, Lisitsyn, do not stick your head out until you have been given the floor. Go on, Zaitsev. What are your constructive suggestions?
Zaitsev: I have such constructive suggestions. Since we are forced to go to this school, we must create human conditions. At least clamshells, or something, put it on! And, please, protect from all Lisitsyns. Let them study in the other wing, since they need music and rumble! Personally, I don't need it.
Leading: So you are for separate training? There is a grain of reason in this. Secretary, write it down: clamshells and split tuition. Who wants to add on the merits? Morkovkin!
Morkovkin: I personally do not like the fact that our health suffers at school. Do you know the statistics? Continuous scoliosis and gastritis. Lisitsyn is right - if not dancing, they would have made a pool in the assembly hall, or something. And we need a normal human restaurant with normal healthy food so as not to ruin our stomachs here. Kebabs there, ice cream. Chebureks. The list can then be compiled.
Leading : I think no one has any objections. (Turns to the secretary.) Write down: a restaurant instead of a canteen, a pool instead of an assembly hall. I would add a tennis table to each class. Who is next?
Raccoons: We are not talking about that. After all, these are all peripherals. We come to school and sit in it for the best 11 years of our life, and for what? What are we being taught? Dear brothers! I look sadly at the current education system. She is terribly far from the people. Therefore: attention! The school urgently needs to open additional courses in extremely important disciplines. They will study the things that are really necessary for the survival of the student. For example: the best way to cheat, the best way to distract the teacher in the classroom, how to promote money for parents, how to minimize the school load, how to spend school time pleasantly and profitably.
Leading: I personally respect Enotov because he knows how to think not only constructively, but also within the framework of reality. Since we will be forced to serve this term anyway, we must spend it with minimal losses. Secretary, please write down Enotov's speech almost word for word! I invite everyone present to think at their leisure what disciplines we really need. So. Next question. What do we do with teachers? Goshkin will make a presentation.
Goshkin: I really watched here, but they, it, in nature, are generally moribund. They call it all sorts of rubbish, my dad ate half a pack of analgin yesterday after he tried to solve my math problems. His mother then knocked down the pressure. And they are yelling! Why yell? Well, I blurted out yesterday that Vilnius is a kangaroo breed, so what, who feels bad from this? I suggest that everyone who yells and begs at home should be kicked out of school.
Koshkin: And who will be left? You, Goshkin, are wrong in principle. It is necessary to work with the material that is. Do not drive out, but reeducate!
Senkina: And I feel sorry for them! We must also endure! You, Koshkin, especially! Who yesterday in the dining room threw a cockroach into my compote? To re-educate and re-educate you yourself!
Goshkin : Ha! It's a pity! Take pity on yourself! They are generally our class enemies, one might say!
Leading: Let's go without class segregation, please. Go on, Senkina.
Senkina: No, really, just think. By 8 am every day. Especially you will not skip, because adults have even stricter troubles on this score. We tolerate them one at a time, they put up with thirty of us at once. Imagine, Goshkin, that you would have to communicate with thirty teachers for 45 minutes! Horror! Here only from Redkin and Fedkin you can go crazy - not only yell, but start biting! This is any of us, just about, they are over the head with a briefcase - and you can relax for fifteen minutes. And such methods are prohibited for teachers.
Koshkin: And my father says that everyone chooses their own destiny. Nobody forced them into school. Unlike us, by the way. Since they have already come, let them endure.
Senkina: Good reasoning for you! And she, perhaps, was a snotty girl when her parents persuaded to go to ped. Do you know what kind of ancestors are ?! You can't really argue. And now the old one is to learn in a new way, but she can’t do anything else. Your mother over there works as a cleaner, has she dreamed about it all her life?
Koshkin : And where will she go with three children? She might have gone to study, but who will support her?
Senkina: So are the teachers. They got into a mess once, and now they endure with their last bit of strength. And we, in turn, must show humanity and not get angry, like you, Goshkin, but find ways to improve relations and influence gently, delicately.
Leading : Okay, Senkina, everyone understands. You are smart, in short, your task is to organize classes to study teachers and to correct their behavioral stereotypes.
Lastochkin: Or maybe we should arrange a vacation for them? Let them rest a little, at the same time they will grow kinder.
Leading: They would be happy, but who will allow them? They have the same attendance, program.
Lastochkin: Why can't we teach ourselves a lesson? Let them slowly wander to school, sit on the back desk, and we will all scold what is supposed to be there. And let them relax for at least a week or two. And it really hurts to look at some of them - they are so twitched, crying in a madhouse.
Leading : Personally, I don't mind. Who agrees? We write it down. How will we present it to them?
Senkina: Let's think of something!
Leading: OK. I think we have had a good meeting today. Will be working.
Everyone leaves.
Part 2
There are two on the stage - the Host and Senkina.
Leading: Dear teachers! We are awfully happy to congratulate you on the upcoming Teacher's Day! On this solemn day, we want to tell you how dearly we love you and how grateful you are for everything you do for us.
Senkina : Dear teachers! We know how tired you get from your hard work. Therefore, we have prepared a surprise for you. We are in a hurry to please you! For the next two weeks, you do not need to prepare for the lessons! Because we will lead them for you ... we! And you will quietly and calmly rest on the back desks. Like your laziest students.
Leading: And we promise not to shame you, not to call your parents to school.
Senkina: Don't clutter your heads with overwhelming tasks.
Leading: Don't find fault with your appearance.
Senkina: You may even be late!
Leading : And skip classes!
Senkina: No, we, of course, will try to make it interesting for you in our classes. But we will not slavery!
Leading: And we also wish you all:
Everything (in turn):
- Happiness!
- Health!
- Energy!
- Courage!
- Have a good mood!
- Able pupils!
- Responsible parents!
- Loyal administration!
- Optimism!
- And a big salary!
Everything (in chorus): Happy Holidays!
Boys in fluffy skirts come out, dance the cancan and sing a comic song to a melody from an operetta.
You can't live without a school, no.
In her the happiness of life,
In her fate is the dawn.
Teachers teach us here
Me, you, you, me.
We are connected with one destiny.
Since childhood, we come here with you,
School has replaced our home
We go here every day.
We congratulate you on this holiday,
With all my heart and soul now
We will both play and sing
How fun we live.
We will both play and sing
About how fun, how happily we live.
Scene for schoolchildren
THEATER RING SHOW
There are two teams on the stage. In front of one is a sign on which “Parents” is written in large letters, in front of the other - “Teachers”.
Leading: Attention attention! Our microphone was installed at the parents' meeting of the N-th school. Team of teachers versus team of parents. Who will win? So, dear fans, who are we rooting for? Yes, my parents, but I feel sorry for the teachers too ... So, let's start!
1st teacher: Dear comrades parents! We have invited you today to report on new outrages perpetrated by your children.
1st parent : Dear fellow teachers! Our houses stand next to your school, and we see with our own eyes what your students allow themselves.
2nd teacher : Your children.
2nd parent : Your students.
3rd teacher: I wonder who brings the frogs from the house and makes them croak in class?
3rd parent : And who makes children saw the legs of chairs at home, allegedly doing their homework at work?
4th teacher: But what if you do all your homework for your children?
4th parent: You ask stupid tasks and want the kids to get smarter from it!
5th teacher: Aha, but how wise you are! And who gives out prizes to children for a good mark? I only wonder how many of our fives are enough for your pay?
5th parent : And our calculations with children do not concern you.
6th teacher: Have you seen what your children did to the walls of the school?
6th parent: And who taught them to write?
7th teacher : And sloppy!
7th parent: Look at your school! And in general, it is high time to organize a parking lot. And then you come for the child, there is nowhere to park the car.
8th teacher: Just about, it would not hurt for a long time to help the school in the improvement of the territory.
8th parent: Your students ...
9th teacher: Your children!
Leading: Stop, draw, the question remains open.
Scene "Telepathy"
NEUMNOV (hums with joy). Well, Copperfields, you thought of that very well. Telepathy! Thoughts in the distance! Come on, telepath me something.
Copperfield. He spreads his hands like a psychic.
Neumnov. The storm covers the sky with darkness ... Why do you instill in me literature - we now have biology. Here, take the textbook - paragraph 36. Look, inspire stronger.
Koperfield sits on the edge of the stage, puts the textbook on his knees, looks into it, sends thoughts.
Call. The beginning of the lesson. The literature teacher enters.
Teacher. Hello guys, Irina Ivanovna is ill, so there will be literature instead of biology. So, the novel by Alexander Pushkin "Eugene Onegin". Who wants to answer? As always, a forest of hands. Neumnov, to the board.
NEUMNOV (clears his throat). The image of Eugene Onegin. Onegin is a secular Petersburg man, a metropolitan aristocrat. Drawing the image of the hero, Pushkin says in detail ... (the action of telepathy begins) that his body, the thallus, consists of a fungus and algae, which are in close interconnection. He is very unpretentious. Lives in deserts, rocks, tundra. Dying off, it forms humus. This is his main role ... in the novel.
Teacher. Unwise, what's the matter with you?
Neumnov. Can I better tell you about Lenskoye? There are many wonderful inclinations in Lenskoye, the author points to his inherent "noble aspiration of feelings and thoughts of young people." It blooms in the middle of summer. Insects visit its flowers poorly - there is neither nectar nor an abundance of pollen in them. (Shakes his head.) Lensky is an educated, cultured person. It is planted in spring, before planting, the tubers are germinated in a bright room.
Teacher. Neumnov, did you get sick by accident? Or not ready to answer?
Neumnov. Ready, ready. Can I have a female image? Tatiana is a sweet ideal for Pushkin. She is a whole person. By nature, Tatiana is gifted with a lively mind. In autumn, she lays eggs in a cocoon woven from a thin web. She weaves a cocoon in secluded places: under stumps, stones. Outwardly, Tatiana is larger than the male.
The teacher looks puzzled.
Neumnov. Not!!! Not!!! I prepared the image of Olga.
Teacher. Well Olga is Olga.
Neumnov. The complete opposite of Tatiana is her sister Olga. Olga has a lot of cheerfulness, energy, agility. Her body is covered with scales. When shedding, the skin comes off in one piece. She moves by twisting her body along the ground. Its toxicity is well known.
Teacher. Enough! Sit down. Count!
Call.
NEUMNOV (runs up to Koperfield). Well, the Copperfield, well, he made me feel good. Thoughts at a distance. So much for telepathy. (He hits the head with the textbook.) Here you are - the top five is guaranteed! (Strikes.) Here you are - you will become an excellent student!
By the will of fate it happened
Or is this your cross,
And all the forces are given to the school,
And for lessons - like a fight.
And at night you dream of a board
And you have no other worries,
As soon as tomorrow what happens
And will the class understand the task?
Chorus: Do not hang your nose, dear teacher,
Is life hard or good.
Knowledge and soul are united (2 times),
Love for students is one!
Thank you for everything, our dear ones,
And even if we grieve you,
Forgive us, we know every hour
Not easy to devote to work,
I think of us alone
Live by concern!
Chorus repetition
It was in the evening
Children have nothing to do.
Someone jumped and jumped,
Someone was dozing in the noise.
1. And today I have “5”. And you?
2. And I have a "2" in physical - nonsense!
3. And we had fun again in class today:
Ivanov managed to chew all the crayons during recess.
Mary Ivanovna - for chalk, Ivanov already turned white.
4. And we have a parrot! And you?
5. And a hippopotamus has stamped on us! Here!
6. We wanted to start an aquarium in our class,
So that the fish could save us from stress, overloads.
7. In order to keep your aquarium longer,
You need to increase the security staff, that's for sure!
8. We played computers well, probably for an hour!
After that they forgot the name of us with Seryoga.
9. And our portfolio is gone, that's it!
Lost phone, that's two!
And fourthly, the boy Roma forgot all this at home!
10. And we have objects - darkness! And you?
11. And we have more. We have no time to be lazy:
There is a subject “learn to learn”!
12. What a thing! Believe it or not -
In the classroom, I am a strategist.
I will find an approach to the book,
I can understand the whole context.
14. And I do SAMBO, I go to the art club,
I am fond of the jazz ensemble and value the theater.
15. I have a pool, French, piano and wushu.
I have time for everything everywhere, I will not miss anything.
16. And our teacher is cool,
Strict, smart and funny.
17. Very kind and diligent.
18. Exemplary.
19. The teacher is wonderful.
20. Patient and considerate.
21. There is a very competent director,
22. The head teacher is experienced, talented.
23. We have a school, friends
24. We are all a friendly family.
25. It was in the evening,
There was nothing to argue about.
Scene "Our Cases"
(according to L. Kaminsky)
Characters: teacher and student Petrov
Teacher: Petrov, go to the blackboard and write down a short story that I will dictate to you.
Student goes to the blackboard and prepares to write.
Teacher (dictates):“Dad and mom scolded Vova for bad behavior. Vova was guiltily silent, and then made a promise to improve. "
Student writes dictation on the blackboard.
Teacher: Wonderful! Underline all nouns in your story.
Student emphasizes the words: "dad", "mom", "Vova", "behavior", "Vova", "promise".
Teacher: Ready? Determine which cases these nouns are in. Understood?
Student: Yes!
Teacher: Get started!
Student: "Father and mother". Who? What? Parents. Hence, the case is genitive.
Scolded whom, what? Vova. “Vova” is a name. Hence, the case is nominative.
Scolded for what? For bad behavior. Apparently he did something. This means that “behavior” has an instrumental case.
Vova was silent guiltily. This means that here “Vova” has an accusative case.
Well, and the “promise” is, of course, in the dative case, since Vova gave it!
That's all!
Teacher: Yes, the analysis turned out to be original! Take the diary, Petrov. I wonder what grade you would suggest to put yourself?
Student: Which one? Of course, the top five!
Teacher: A top five, then? By the way, in what case did you name this word - “five”?
Student: In the prepositional!
Teacher: In the prepositional? Why is that?
Student: Well, I suggested it myself!
Correct answer scene
(I. Butman)
Characters: teacher and student Petrov
Teacher: Petrov, how much will it be: four divided by two?
Student: And what to share, Mikhail Ivanovich?
Teacher: Well, let's say four apples.
Student: And between whom?
Teacher: Well, let it be between you and Sidorov.
Student: Then three for me and one for Sidorov.
Teacher: Why is this?
Student: Because Sidorov owes me one apple.
Teacher: Doesn't he owe you a plum?
Student: No, the plum should not.
Teacher: Well, how much will it be if four plums are divided by two?
Student: Four. And all to Sidorov.
Teacher: Why four?
Student: Because I don't like plums.
Teacher: Wrong again.
Student: How much is correct?
Teacher: But now I will put the correct answer to you in my diary!
Scene "3 = 7 and 2 = 5"
(Newspaper "Primary School", "Mathematics", No. 24, 2002)
Teacher: Well, Petrov? What am I to do with you?
Petrov: And what?
Teacher: You didn’t do anything all year, didn’t study anything. I don’t know what to put in the list.
Petrov(looking gloomily at the floor): I, Ivan Ivanovich, was engaged in scientific work.
Teacher: What are you? What is it?
Petrov: I decided that all our math was wrong and ... I proved it!
Teacher: Well, how, Comrade Veliky Petrov, did you achieve this?
Petrov: Ah, what can I say, Ivan Ivanitch! It's not my fault that Pythagoras was wrong and this ... Archimedes!
Teacher: Archimedes?
Petrov: And he too, After all, they said that three is equal to only three.
Teacher: What else?
Petrov(solemnly): This is not true! I've proven that three is seven!
Teacher: Like this?
Petrov: Well, look: 15 -15 = 0. Right?
Teacher: Right.
Petrov: 35 - 35 = 0 - also true. Hence, 15-15 = 35-35. Right?
Teacher: Right.
Petrov: We take out the common factors: 3 (5-5) = 7 (5-5). Right?
Teacher: Exactly.
Petrov: Hehe! (5-5) = (5-5). This is also true!
Teacher: Yes.
Petrov: Then everything is upside down: 3 = 7!
Teacher: Aha! So, Petrov, we survived.
Petrov: I didn't want to, Ivan Ivanovich. But against science ... you can't sin!
Teacher: Clear. Look: 20-20 = 0. Right?
Petrov: Exactly!
Teacher: 8-8 = 0 - also true. Then 20-20 = 8-8. It is truth too?
Petrov: Exactly, Ivan Ivanovich, exactly.
Teacher: We take out the common factors: 5 (4-4) = 2 (4-4). Right?
Petrov: Right!
Teacher: Then that's it, Petrov, I give you a "2"!
Petrov: For what, Ivan Ivanovich?
Teacher: Don't worry, Petrov, because if we divide both sides of the equality by (4-4), then 2 = 5. Is that what you did?
Petrov: Let us suppose.
Teacher: So I put "2", is it all the same. A?
Petrov: No, it's not all the same, Ivan Ivanovich, "5" is better.
Teacher: Perhaps it is better, Petrov, but until you prove it, you will have a deuce in a year, equal, in your opinion, to an A!
Guys, help Petrov.
Scene "Folder under the arm"
(I. Semerenko)
Vovka: Listen, I'll tell you a funny story. Yesterday I took the folder on the mouse and went to Uncle Yura, my mother told me to.
Andrey: Ha ha ha! And it's really funny.
Vovka(surprised): What's so funny? I haven’t even begun to tell.
Andrey(laughing): Folder ... under the arm! Good idea. Your folder won't fit under your arm, it's not a cat!
Vovka: Why "my folder"? The folder is daddy's. You have forgotten how to speak correctly from laughter, or what?
Andrey: (winking and tapping himself on the forehead): Oh, I guessed it! Grandpa - under the arm! He himself speaks incorrectly, and also teaches. Now it's clear: dad's folder is your grandfather Kolya! In general, you thought it great - funny and with a riddle!
Vova(offended): What does my grandfather Kolya have to do with it? I wanted to tell you something completely different. I didn't listen to the end, but you laugh, you interfere with speaking. Moreover, he dragged my grandfather, put him under his arm, what a storyteller he found! I'd rather go home than talk to you.
Andrey(to himself, left alone): And why was he offended? Why tell funny stories if you can't laugh?
Scene "At the lessons of natural history"
Characters : teacher and class students
Teacher: Who can name five wild animals?
Apprentice Petrov pulls his hand.
Teacher: Answer me, Petrov.
Apprentice Petrov: Tiger, tigress and ... three tiger cubs.
Teacher: What are dense forests? Answer, Kosichkina!
Pupil Kosichkina: These are forests in which ... it's good to doze.
Teacher: Simakova, please name the parts of the flower.
Simakov's student: Petals, stem, pot.
Teacher: Ivanov, tell us, please, what benefits do birds and animals bring to humans?
Student Ivanov: Birds peck mosquitoes, and cats catch mice for him.
Teacher: Petrov, what book have you read about famous travelers?
Pupil Petukhov: "Frog traveler"
Teacher: Who will answer, what is the difference between the sea and the river? Please, Mishkin.
Pupil Mishkin: The river has two banks, and the sea has one.
Student Zaitsev pulls his hand.
Teacher: What do you want, Zaitsev? Do you want to ask something?
Pupil Zaitsev: Mary Ivanna, is it true that people descended from a monkey?
Teacher: Truth.
Pupil Zaitsev: That's what I'm looking at: there are so few monkeys!
Teacher: Kozyavin, please answer, what is the lifespan of a mouse?
Student Kozyavin: Well, Mary Ivanna, it completely depends on the cat.
Teacher: Will go to the board ... Meshkov and tell us about the crocodile.
Pupil Meshkov (going to the blackboard): The length of the crocodile from head to tail is five meters, and from tail to head is seven meters.
Teacher: Think what you say! Is it possible?
Pupil Meshkov: It happens! For example, Monday to Wednesday is two days, and Wednesday to Monday is five!
Teacher: Khomyakov, tell me, why do people need a nervous system?
Pupil Khomyakov: To be nervous.
Teacher: Why do you, Sinichkin, look at your watch every minute?
Pupil Sinichkin: Because I am terribly worried that the call would interrupt an amazingly interesting lesson.
Teacher: Guys, who will answer where the bird flies with a straw in its beak?
Pupil Belkov pulls his hand above everyone else.
Teacher: Try it, Belkov.
Apprentice Belkov: To the cocktail bar, Mary Ivanna.
Teacher: Teplyakova, which teeth are the last to appear in a person?
Teplyakova's student: Plug-in, Mary Ivanna.
Teacher: Now I will ask you a very difficult question, for the correct answer I will immediately give an A with a plus. And the question is: "Why is European time ahead of American time?"
Pupil Klyushkin pulls his hand.
Teacher: Answer me, Klyushkin.
Pupil Klyushkin: Because America was discovered later!
Scene "At the lessons of mathematics"
Characters: teacher and class students
Teacher: Petrov, you can hardly count to ten. I don’t know what you can become?
Apprentice Petrov: Boxing judge, Mary Ivanna!
Teacher: To solve the problem to the board goes ... Trushkin.
Disciple Trushkin goes out to the board.
Teacher: Listen carefully to the problem statement. Dad bought 1 kilogram of sweets, and mom bought another 2 kilograms. How many...
Disciple Trushkin heads for the door.
Teacher: Trushkin, where are you going ?!
Disciple Trushkin: I ran home, there are candy!
Teacher: Petrov, bring your diary here. I'll put your yesterday's deuce in it.
Apprentice Petrov: I don't have it.
Teacher: Where is he?
Apprentice Petrov: And I gave it to Vitka - to scare my parents!
Teacher: Vasechkin, if you have ten rubles, and you ask your brother for another ten rubles, how much money will you have?
Disciple Vasechkin: Ten rubles.
Teacher: You just don't know mathematics!
Disciple Vasechkin: No, you do not know my brother!
Teacher: Sidorov, please answer, how much is three times seven?
Disciple Sidorov: Marya Ivanovna, I will answer your question only in the presence of my lawyer!
Teacher: Why, Ivanov, does your father always do your homework for you?
Student Ivanov: And mom has no free time!
Teacher: Now solve problem number 125 yourself.
Students get down to business.
Teacher: Smirnov! Why are you cheating from Terentyev?
Pupil Smirnov: No, Mary Ivanna, he writes it off from me, and I'm just checking to see if he did it right!
Teacher: Guys, who is Archimedes? Answer me, Shcherbinina.
Shcherbinin's student: This is a mathematical Greek.
Scene "At the lessons of the Russian language"
Characters: teacher and class students
Teacher: Let's hear how you learned your homework. Whoever goes to answer first, he will receive a point higher.
Student Ivanov(reaches out and shouts): Mary Ivanna, I will be the first, put me three at once!
Teacher: Your composition about a dog, Petrov, is word for word similar to Ivanov's!
Apprentice Petrov: Mary Ivanna, so Ivanov and I live in the same yard, and there we have one dog for all!
Teacher: You, Sidorov, have a wonderful composition, but why is it not finished?
Disciple Sidorov: But because dad was urgently called to work!
Teacher: Koshkin, admit who wrote the essay for you?
Disciple Koshkin: I do not know. I went to bed early.
Teacher: As for you, Klevtsov, let your grandfather come to me tomorrow!
Pupil Klevtsov: Grandfather? Maybe dad?
Teacher: No, grandpa. I want to show him what gross mistakes his son makes when he writes an essay for you.
Teacher: What kind of word "egg", Sinichkin?
Pupil Sinichkin: None.
Teacher: Why then?
Pupil Sinichkin: Because it is not known who will hatch out of it: a rooster or a chicken.
Teacher: Petushkov, define the kind of words: "chair", "table", "sock", "stocking".
Pupil Petushkov: "Table", "chair" and "sock" are masculine, and "stocking" is feminine.
Teacher: Why?
Pupil Petushkov: Because only women wear stockings!
Teacher: Smirnov, go to the blackboard, write down and analyze the proposal.
Pupil Smirnov goes to the blackboard.
The teacher dictates and the student writes down: "Dad went to the garage."
Teacher: Ready? We listen to you.
Pupil Smirnov: Dad - subject, gone - predicate, in the garage - ... an excuse.
Teacher: Who guys can come up with a proposal with homogeneous members?
Tyulkina's student pulls her hand.
Teacher: Please, Tyulkina.
Tyulkin's student: There were no trees, no bushes, no grass in the forest.
Teacher: Sobakin, come up with a sentence with the number "three".
Pupil Sobakin: My mom works at a knitted fabric factory.
Teacher: Rubashkin, go to the blackboard, write down a proposal.
Pupil Rubashkin goes to the blackboard.
Teacher dictates: The guys were catching butterflies nets.
Pupil Rubashkin writes: The guys were catching butterflies with glasses.
Teacher: Rubashkin, why are you so inconsiderate?
Apprentice Rubashkin: And what?
Teacher: Where did you see the bespectacled butterflies?
Teacher: Meshkov, what part of speech is the word "dryish"?
Pupil Meshkov, standing up, is silent for a long time.
Teacher: Well, think, Meshkov, what question does this word answer?
Pupil Meshkov: What is it? Dryish!
Teacher: Antonyms are words that are opposite in meaning. For example, fat is thin, crying is laughing, day is night. Petushkov, now give me your example.
Pupil Petushkov: Cat dog.
Teacher: What does the "cat-dog" have to do with it?
Pupil Petushkov: Well, how is it? They are opposite and often fight among themselves.
Teacher: Sidorov, why are you eating apples in class?
Disciple Sidorov: Sorry to waste time during recess!
Teacher: Stop it now! By the way, why weren't you at school yesterday?
Disciple Sidorov: My older brother got sick.
Teacher: What do you have to do with it?
Disciple Sidorov: I rode his bike!
Teacher: Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!
Disciple Sidorov: And the day after tomorrow?
Teacher: Sushkina, come up with an appeal.
Sushkin's student: Mary Ivanna, call!
Scene "Schoolboy and Salesman"
Characters: student and shop assistant
Shop assistant: What can I tell you?
Schoolboy: The reign of Nicholas II?
Shop assistant: Do not know.
Schoolboy: Okay ... Pythagorean theorem?
Shop assistant:… (Shrugs)
Schoolboy: Photosynthesis?
Shop assistant: (sighing) I don't know ...
Schoolboy: Well, what are you trying to do with your “What can I tell you?” !!!
Scene "Schoolchildren at the stadium"
Characters: pupils and stadium informant
A group of young fans led by a leader chants loudly:
"SPARTAK IS A CHAMPION!" "SPARTAK IS A CHAMPION!"
The voice of an informant across the stadium suddenly turns on:
Your history teacher is at the match!
Young fans start chanting:
"SPA-RTAC - ROMAN SLAVE!" "SPA-RTAC - ROMAN SLAVE!"
Funny scenes about school become a decoration of almost every children's holiday. KVN, held at home, a New Year's party, the birth of a school - but you never know great reasons to have fun!
We are pleased to offer you a selection of several scenes that will help create a festive mood.
Short dialogues
The small about school offered here do not require decorations and memorization of long texts at all.
One student sleepily says to another:
I'm probably allergic!
Why do you say that?
Yes, I cover myself with a blanket and sleep all the time!
Two students after a geography lesson:
I don’t believe the Earth is spinning anyway!
Why so?
Yes, if it spun, the sea would have splashed long ago!
The poor student angrily informs his friend:
You imagine? The teacher demanded that I name the protozoan, which multiplies by division! And I don't know about mathematics at all!
In the computer class
The following funny scenes about school also do not require special decorations. Only in the latter will an imitation of a computer class be needed.
A stupid high school girl, showing off, looks at the tablet, as in a mirror:
My light, mirror, tell me! Yes, report the whole truth! Am I the nicest in the world? All slimmer and more fashionable?
Mirror (drawn out, but angrily):
I'll give you my answer! You frazzled me out! I am a tablet!
The student asks the teacher:
Ivan Ivanovich, did you have a tablet as a child?
No, what are you, then there were no computers!
What did you play on?
Outside!
The cleaning lady enters the computer class and asks sternly:
Who knows how to use computers here?
All students, without exception, answer: "I".
Cleaning lady (menacing):
Then immediately go online and look for a site where they teach you how to use the toilet!
School anniversary scene: funny and not very long
This scene requires only the characteristics of the actors. The "nerd" should be wearing glasses and speak strictly, and the girl and her friend should look silly, cutesy and enthusiastic.
The guy who looks like a typical "nerd" tells his friend:
Imagine, Tomka called me home to see what was wrong with her computer! I come, and she, apparently, cannot sit in one place at all! Spinning on the chair, so the cord is wound around the leg of the chair. I swore, untangled the cord, inserted the plug that had jumped out, turned on the computer for her and left.
Tomochka, rolling his eyes, enthusiastically tells his classmate:
Oh, this Buttercup also knows how to conjure!
What are you?
Well, yes, he came to me, looked at the computer intently, raised his hands up, whispered something mystical, turned my chair 10 times counterclockwise, kicked the computer, once again whispered something mystical and left. Imagine, it all worked!
Classmate, admiringly:
Blimey! Witch!
Very funny scenes about school
After explaining in nature studies class, the teacher asks the class:
Well, now you understand why it snows in winter but not in summer?
Petrov, from the spot:
Of course it's understandable! If it fell out in the summer, it would melt!
In a Russian lesson, the teacher says:
Petrov, "I am studying, you are studying, he is studying" - what time is it?
Petrov, with a sigh:
Lost, Mary Ivanna!
Friends come up to an excellent student and say:
Andryukha, let's go to the cafe with the girls tonight!
Andrey, thinking:
No, I won't go with you! There the music rumbles, everyone makes noise ...
So what?
Yes, I doubt that in such a situation I will be able to fully understand the essence of the Lebesgue-Stieltjes integral.
Scenes for younger students
The following funny scenes are for elementary school. They can be successfully shown at the kids' party. True, high school students will have to help their younger comrades in this.
A high school student tells his buddies:
Look how stupid this first grader is! I'll show you now!
Calls the baby and, when he comes up, says to him:
In this hand I have 50 rubles, and in this 10 - what will you take for yourself?
The kid takes 10 rubles. High school students laugh, twirl their fingers at their temples, shrug their hands.
A friend of a first grader on the side asks him:
Why did you choose 10 rubles?
Well, if I choose 50, then the game is over!
A first grader examines a high school girl's manicure (admiringly):
Cool, what are your long nails!
High school girl, mincing:
What do you like?
Well, yes! It's probably so convenient to climb trees with them!
Mom looks at the diary of a first grader. And there the two is crossed out, and there is a four next to it. Mom, with horror:
Vanechka! What it is?!
Vanechka, calmly looking at her mother:
The teacher told us that if we want to, we can correct the bad grade!
Sketches with teachers
The following funny short skits about school can be played by yourself, or you can invite teachers to participate in them.
Conversation with the teacher:
Sidorkin, didn't you promise me that you would correct your deuce?
Yes, Mary Ivanna.
Didn't I promise to call your parents if you don't?
Yes, Mary Ivanna, but if I did not keep my promise, then you can not keep yours!
The teacher looks sternly at the latecomer:
Semyon! You're late again! What is it this time?
Semyon, guilty:
Mary Ivanna, I woke up, looked at the time, and blinked unsuccessfully.
The music teacher addresses Mom:
Your daughter needs to play the piano more!
Mommy, sighing heavily:
Lord, how much more! Our seventh neighbor has already moved out!
Dreams Dreams...
These little about school will already require minimal decorations showing that the guys have left school, although these conversations can also occur during recess. It all depends on the director's imagination.
Sidorov, sighing heavily, goes home from school. Ivanov asks him:
Sidorov, what are you doing? Got a deuce?
Sidorov sadly:
And adds dreamily:
Can you imagine how much easier it would be to learn if a theorem in geometry could be proved with the words: "Yes, you can see it!"
The guy is dreamy: “It would be great if we could read minds! Then I would know what to answer in the lesson! "
His friend: "Yeah, and would also know what the teacher thinks when you answer incorrectly!"
Romantic relationship
Of course, funny short skits about school cannot be ignored and how sympathy between boys and girls suddenly appears at school.
Little Johnny escorts Masha home from school and tells her hesitantly:
Listen, Masha, I want to confess to you (pause), (further speaks quickly) while you were walking to the board, I tore off the wings of a fly and threw it into your briefcase! I'm sorry!
Masha, squinting slyly:
Interestingly, is it tasty?
Little Johnny is confused:
I don’t know ... What are you asking?
Masha calmly:
Yes, I also want to apologize! I threw it into your soup in the dining room while you went out to buy bread!
Let's laugh a little more
Even the funniest sketches about school are often taken directly from life, so the organizers of the holiday can themselves come up with something similar.
In a Russian lesson, Little Johnny asks his deskmate:
Hear how to speak correctly: curry or curd?
The neighbor, adjusting his glasses, with a smart look:
The accent on the "o"!
Little Johnny, after a pause:
Thanks! I helped out, so I helped out!
A classmate (she looks like an excellent student) says, sighing:
Yes, Lozhkin, you are not at all friends with your head!
Lozhkin, shrugging his shoulders:
And I have a purely business relationship with her - I feed her, and she thinks!
Conversation with the teacher
Funny scenes about school - whether you are organizing KVN or other funny events - are not complete without dialogues similar to the ones below.
The teacher talks to a fashionably dressed high school student:
Lerochka, well done, you are no longer late for school!
Yes, Mary Ivanna, it's all because of my mother.
Did she have an educational conversation with you?
No, she just bought herself some fancy Italian boots!
So what?
Like what? Now I get up first to have time to put them on before mom! (Proudly retires)
The teacher makes a helpless gesture.
An elderly teacher sighs and says to her colleague:
I'll probably have to quit!
What are you talking about! You are the best teacher in school!
I earned quite ... I go into the tram in the morning, there are a lot of people, I raise my eyes and say sternly: "Hello, sit down!"
Funny? Of course it's funny!
Funny scenes about school are good because they are easy to play, they do not require exhausting rehearsals. The main thing is that your cheerful mood is conveyed to the audience!
Mit, do you know what the word "super" means?
Well, yes, this is something so big, more of which it cannot be.
What about "hyper"?
And "hyper" ... (Mitya rubs his forehead) Oh! This is what is more "super"!
The girls are dancing in the disco:
Listen, do you know what mosol is?
Well, this is such a huge bone, they still put it in borscht. What are you asking?
Yes, I heard a great song here: "You my heart, You my soul ..."
Music from the famous song performed by the group Modern Talking begins to sound on the stage
Petka with a huge "flashlight" under his eye and his friend:
Petka, why are you covered in bruises?
I played snowballs with a girl!
So what?
So she turns out to be from the youth handball team! And these do not miss!
Locker room incident
Some funny scenes about school require extras. But they still won't be difficult to stage.
The girls are dragging the stubborn guy with screams. The teacher stops them:
Stop! What's happened?!
One of the girls is indignant:
Buttercup was spying on us in the locker room!
The teacher, looking sternly at Lyutikov:
So what, did you like it?
Buttercup in confusion is silent, then loudly gives out:
Girls in chorus, drawn-out and resentful:
How not ?!
All funny sketches about school, as you know, should be played sincerely and seriously. Minimal decorations will also do the trick.
On the stage, you can put, for example, two desks and a blackboard to recreate the visibility of the class. If events take place during recess or on the way home, you can dream up. One tree or bench is enough for the "way home". And the situation in the school hallway can be played out in front of a large window in the background.
The main thing in these scenes is not to overload them with decorations. They are short, and therefore the emphasis should be on what the actor is saying, and not on what surrounds him at that moment.
To build scenes in one concert, you can invite a presenter who will tell the audience where this situation is taking place. Imagine, and your holiday will surely be remembered and will make the most wonderful impression!
Funny scenes about school have always been used, are and, of course, will be popular, they look like they reflect the brightest possible events of the wonderful school years. Therefore, there are many funny scenes showing the brightest school events.
Scene "miraculous potion"
The action takes place in a chemistry lesson. Props require a desk, two chairs, and a teacher's desk with chemical supplies. Characters: Petya, Sasha and Marya Ivanovna. Two boys are dressed in school uniforms, the teacher first comes out in a black robe with a staff, then appears in her usual form.
- Sash, did you do your homework? - Petya asks the neighbor on the desk.
- No, I played computer games all day and almost until the morning! - Sasha answers.
- I did the same, I really want to sleep! - answered Petya, yawning loudly. By the way, I bet I'll get an A today?
What is it like? - Sasha is indignant. - You haven't cooked anything at all, like me!
- It's simple! - Petya answered with a smile. - I read on the Internet that if you mix a pop, yellow soda, green soda, a crow's feather, a cat's whisker, a tomato, green tea and a slice of chocolate, you get a wonderful potion, drinking which you can manipulate people. I’ll have a drink, and I’ll tell Marya Ivanovna to give me an A, and she’ll give it! Do you want to try my potion?
- Ha ha! Sasha laughed. - All this is nonsense!
- Well, if you don't want to get an A, don't drink! - Petya muttered.
- Okay, let's drink your dubious broth, suddenly something will work out! - Sasha agreed.
Petya drinks from the bottle with the "drug", hands it to Sasha, who takes a sip.
- Fu, what an abomination! - Sasha was indignant.
Drink, drink! Fives are not easy to get! - grinned his neighbor on the desk.
After drinking the broth, the schoolchildren who did not sleep until the morning lay down on their desk and closed their eyes for a second. Opening them, they saw Marya Ivanovna at the table in a long black cape with a staff.
- Marya Ivanovna! - gasped Petya. And what kind of outfit is so strange with you?
- Why strange? Marya Ivanovna was surprised. - The most common outfit for a lord of darkness, very suitable for the ceremony of absorbing souls.
- What did you give me, you fool? - Alexander asked quietly and indignantly.
- Probably, this is a side effect ... - Peter answered him in surprise and became thoughtful.
“Today I decided to consume your souls. - With a grin, said the teacher. - I haven't taken souls from lazy people for a long time!
- I've seen this in a computer game! - Petya said in a whisper. “When the dark lord touches us with the tip of his staff, he can take our souls!
- I play this game too! - Sasha supported. - In order to neutralize the dark lord, you need to move your hands in a circular motion and say the magic word "arakunada".
- So, let's do this while our souls are still with us! - Peter exclaimed.
The boys move their hands and shout the word "arakunada".
- It will not save you, dear ones, because my staff works from a distance! - shouted the teacher and brandished her staff.
The boys fall on the desk and close their eyes. Opening their eyes, they see Marya Ivanovna already without a robe and staff.
- Sanya, the spell is working, her staff and mantle fell, come on again! - Petya announced happily.
The boys shout the word "arakunada" and keep moving their hands. The teacher looks at them in bewilderment.
- What does this mean? She asks indignantly. - Is that how you tell me about sodium?
- Calm down, dark lord! - Sasha shouted. You will not receive our souls!
- Yes, I do not need your souls, but your homework! Marya Ivanovna laughed. - What a concert, boys? I go in - they are asleep. I woke up - they were shouting strange words and waving their hands. Are you OK?
- Yes, yes, Marya Ivanovna ... - Sasha stammered.
- So it turns out that we all dreamed about it? - asked his neighbor on the desk. Listen, maybe even the potion worked, let's try to get her to give us a "five"?
- Yah you! - Alexander said offendedly and smiled.
Scene "strange first grader"
The main characters: a group of high school students, a teacher and a first grader. Of the props, only markers are required.
The teacher walks down the corridor and sees the high school students laughing loudly at the little first grader.
- What's the matter? - the teacher was indignant. - Why do you offend someone younger than you?
And we do not offend! - answered one of the crowd. - Look how stupid he is! We offer him to take either three markers or one, and he takes only one, saying that this is better! If you don’t believe it, see it for yourself!
A high school student takes three felt-tip pens in one hand, and only one in the other.
- What will you take for yourself? - laughing, he asks the boy. - One felt-tip pen or several.
- I'd rather take one from you. - the boy answers quietly, takes a felt-tip pen and puts it in his backpack.
- You see! - the high school student convinces the teacher.
The teacher takes the little student aside.
- Boy, why don't you take three markers at once? - the teacher asks quietly.
- If I take three markers at once, they will think that I am smart, and the game is over. - The boy answers. So, I'd rather be stupid, but with twenty markers! - takes out twenty won markers from the portfolio.
Scene "school romance"
Characters: teacher Nina Semyonovna and student Kolya. You need a sheet of paper and a pen as props.
Kolya runs up to Nina Semyonovna.
- Nina Semyonovna! - Kolya shouts. - I want to make a romantic postcard with my own hands and give it to the girl, please help me to compose a beautiful declaration of love.
- And who are you going to give it to, Kolenka? The teacher asks in a whisper. - Probably Tanechke from the parallel class? I see that all the boys really like her.
- No, not her! - Kolenka answers.
- Why? - Nina Semyonovna is surprised. Do you really not like her at all?
- I like it, very much ... - Kolya sighs heavily. - But, now all the boys are hitting her on the head with schoolbags and pulling her beautiful braids, therefore, she will soon be bald and stupid. Why do I need such a wife?
Scene "without delay"
Characters: student Masha and teacher Lidia Mikhailovna. Props - a beautiful gold or gilded chain.
The teacher prepares to start the lesson, the fashionista Masha enters the class.
- Masha, I want to praise you! - the teacher admires. - You are very, very rarely late lately!
- And where can I go, Lydia Mikhailovna? - Mashenka answers with a heavy sigh. My mother bought herself a gold chain from the latest fashion collection, and now the one who wakes up first wears it! - adds Masha and demonstrates the chain.
Characters: student Vovochka and teacher Natalya Nikolaevna. No props required.
The teacher checks the student's homework.
- Little Johnny, I want to compliment you! - says Natalya Nikolaevna. - You showed yourself very well when doing your homework, you have excellent creative thinking!
- Thank you, Natalya Nikolaevna! - thanks Little Johnny. Can I compliment you too?
- Well, of course you can! - Natalya Nikolaevna answers.
- You have such long and beautiful nails! - considering the hand, says Little Johnny. “It’s probably very convenient for you to climb trees!
Scene "in the meeting"
Characters: the student's mother, student Kostya and teacher Elena Petrovna. No props needed.
The teacher and mother are scolding Kostik.
- Kostya, remember, you promised to study well, and I promised to make you the head of the cultural sector? The teacher asks.
- I remember, Elena Petrovna! - Kostya answers sadly.
- Do you remember that you promised me to study well, and I promised you to buy a bicycle? Mom asks.
- I remember, Mommy ... - Kostya says quietly.
- So why don't you study at the "five"? - asks both the teacher and the mother.
“Well, if you don’t keep your promises, I don’t consider it necessary to keep yours!” - exclaims Kostya.
FUNNY SCENE FROM SCHOOL LIFE
Offered to your attention humorous scenes they will not require their performers to memorize large texts (playing the role of a teacher can even use the cheat sheet included in the class magazine), nor will they need special costumes for them. The rehearsal will take a minimum of time. At the same time, the theme of all the scenes is very close to the guys. It will be useful for them to look at themselves from the outside, to laugh at their mistakes.
Scene "Our Cases"
(on L. TO Aminsky)
Characters : teacher and student Petrov
Teacher:Petrov, go to the blackboard and write down a short story that I will dictate to you.
Studentgoes to the blackboard and prepares to write.
Teacher (dictates): “Dad and mom scolded Vova for bad behavior. Vova was guiltily silent, and then made a promise to improve. "
Studentwrites dictation on the blackboard.
Teacher:Wonderful! Underline all nouns in your story.
Studentemphasizes the words: "dad", "mom", "Vova", "behavior", "Vova", "promise".
Teacher:Ready? Determine which cases these nouns are in. Understood?
Student: Yes!
Teacher: Get started!
Student: "Father and mother". Who? What? Parents. Hence, the case is genitive.
Scolded whom, what? Vova. “Vova” is a name. Hence, the case is nominative.
Scolded for what? For bad behavior. Apparently he did something. This means that “behavior” has an instrumental case.
Vova was silent guiltily. This means that here “Vova” has an accusative case.
Well, and the “promise” is, of course, in the dative case, since Vova gave it!
That's all!
Teacher: Yes, the analysis turned out to be original! Take the diary, Petrov. I wonder what grade you would suggest to put yourself?
Student: Which one? Of course, the top five!
Teacher:A top five, then? By the way, in what case did you name this word - “five”?
Student: In the prepositional!
Teacher:In the prepositional? Why is that?
Student : Well, I suggested it myself!
Correct answer scene
(AND. B utman)
Characters : teacher and student Petrov
Teacher: Petrov, how much will it be: four divided by two?
Student: And what to share, Mikhail Ivanovich?
Teacher: Well, let's say four apples.
Student: And between whom?
Teacher: Well, let it be between you and Sidorov.
Student: Then three for me and one for Sidorov.
Teacher: Why is this?
Student: Because Sidorov owes me one apple.
Teacher: Doesn't he owe you a plum?
Student: No, the plum should not.
Teacher: Well, how much will it be if four plums are divided by two?
Student: Four. And all to Sidorov.
Teacher: Why four?
Student: Because I don't like plums.
Teacher: Wrong again.
Student: How much is correct?
Teacher: But now I will put the correct answer to you in my diary!
Scene "3 = 7 and 2 = 5"
(Newspaper "Primary School", "Mathematics", No. 24, 2002)
Teacher: Well, Petrov? What am I to do with you?
Petrov: And what?
Teacher: You didn’t do anything all year, didn’t study anything. I don’t know what to put in the list.
Petrov(looking gloomily at the floor): I, Ivan Ivanovich, was engaged in scientific work.
Teacher: What are you? What is it?
Petrov: I decided that all our math was wrong and ... I proved it!
Teacher: Well, how, Comrade Veliky Petrov, did you achieve this?
Petrov: Ah, what can I say, Ivan Ivanitch! It's not my fault that Pythagoras was wrong and this ... Archimedes!
Teacher: Archimedes?
Petrov: And he too, After all, they said that three is equal to only three.
Teacher: What else?
Petrov(solemnly): This is not true! I've proven that three is seven!
Teacher: Like this?
Petrov: Well, look: 15 -15 = 0. Right?
Teacher: Right.
Petrov: 35 - 35 = 0 - also true. Hence, 15-15 = 35-35. Right?
Teacher: Right.
Petrov: We take out the common factors: 3 (5-5) = 7 (5-5). Right?
Teacher: Exactly.
Petrov: Hehe! (5-5) = (5-5). This is also true!
Teacher: Yes.
Petrov: Then everything is upside down: 3 = 7!
Teacher: Aha! So, Petrov, we survived.
Petrov: I didn't want to, Ivan Ivanovich. But against science ... you can't sin!
Teacher: Clear. Look: 20-20 = 0. Right?
Petrov: Exactly!
Teacher: 8-8 = 0 - also true. Then 20-20 = 8-8. It is truth too?
Petrov: Exactly, Ivan Ivanovich, exactly.
Teacher: We take out the common factors: 5 (4-4) = 2 (4-4). Right?
Petrov: Right!
Teacher: Then that's it, Petrov, I give you a "2"!
Petrov: For what, Ivan Ivanovich?
Teacher: Don't worry, Petrov, because if we divide both sides of the equality by (4-4), then 2 = 5. Is that what you did?
Petrov: Let us suppose.
Teacher: So I put "2", is it all the same. A?
Petrov: No, it's not all the same, Ivan Ivanovich, "5" is better.
Teacher: Perhaps it is better, Petrov, but until you prove it, you will have a deuce in a year, equal, in your opinion, to an A!
Guys, help Petrov .
Scene "Folder under the arm"
(AND. WITH emerenko)
Vovka: Listen, I'll tell you a funny story. Yesterday I took the folder on the mouse and went to Uncle Yura, my mother told me to.
Andrey: Ha ha ha! And it's really funny.
Vovka(surprised): What's so funny? I haven’t even begun to tell.
Andrey(laughing): Folder ... under the arm! Good idea. Your folder won't fit under your arm, it's not a cat!
Vovka: Why "my folder"? The folder is daddy's. You have forgotten how to speak correctly from laughter, or what?
Andrey: (winking and tapping himself on the forehead): Oh, I guessed it! Grandpa - under the arm! He himself speaks incorrectly, and also teaches. Now it's clear: dad's folder is your grandfather Kolya! In general, you thought it great - funny and with a riddle!
Vova(offended): What does my grandfather Kolya have to do with it? I wanted to tell you something completely different. I didn't listen to the end, but you laugh, you interfere with speaking. Moreover, he dragged my grandfather, put him under his arm, what a storyteller he found! I'd rather go home than talk to you.
Andrey (to himself, left alone): And why was he offended? Why tell funny stories if you can't laugh?
Scene "At the lessons of natural history"
Characters : teacher and class students
Teacher:Who can name five wild animals?
Apprentice Petrov pulls his hand .
Teacher: Answer me, Petrov.
Apprentice Petrov: Tiger, tigress and ... three tiger cubs.
Teacher: What are dense forests? Answer, Kosichkina!
Pupil Kosichkina : These are forests in which ... it's good to doze.
Teacher: Simakova, please name the parts of the flower.
Simakov's student : Petals, stem, pot.
Teacher: Ivanov, tell us, please, what benefits do birds and animals bring to humans?
Student Ivanov: Birds peck mosquitoes, and cats catch mice for him.
Teacher: Petrov, what book have you read about famous travelers?
Pupil Petukhov: "Frog traveler"
Teacher: Who will answer, what is the difference between the sea and the river? Please, Mishkin.
Pupil Mishkin: The river has two banks, and the sea has one.
Student Zaitsev pulls his hand .
Teacher: What do you want, Zaitsev? Do you want to ask something?
Pupil Zaitsev: Mary Ivanna, is it true that people descended from a monkey?
Teacher: Truth.
Pupil Zaitsev: That's what I'm looking at: there are so few monkeys!
Teacher: Kozyavin, please answer, what is the lifespan of a mouse?
Student Kozyavin: Well, Mary Ivanna, it completely depends on the cat.
Teacher: Will go to the board ... Meshkov and tell us about the crocodile.
Pupil Meshkov (going to the blackboard) : The length of the crocodile from head to tail is five meters, and from tail to head is seven meters.
Teacher: Think what you say! Is it possible?
Pupil Meshkov: It happens! For example, Monday to Wednesday is two days, and Wednesday to Monday is five!
Teacher: Khomyakov, tell me, why do people need a nervous system?
Pupil Khomyakov: To be nervous.
Teacher: Why do you, Sinichkin, look at your watch every minute?
Pupil Sinichkin: Because I am terribly worried that the call would interrupt an amazingly interesting lesson.
Teacher: Guys, who will answer where the bird flies with a straw in its beak?
Pupil Belkov pulls his hand above everyone else.
Teacher: Try it, Belkov.
Apprentice Belkov: To the cocktail bar, Mary Ivanna.
Teacher: Teplyakova, which teeth are the last to appear in a person?
Teplyakova's student: Plug-in, Mary Ivanna.
Teacher: Now I will ask you a very difficult question, for the correct answer I will immediately give an A with a plus. And the question is: "Why is European time ahead of American time?"
Pupil Klyushkin pulls his hand .
Teacher: Answer me, Klyushkin.
Pupil Klyushkin : Because America was discovered later!
Scene "At the lessons of mathematics"
Characters : teacher and class students
Teacher: Petrov, you can hardly count to ten. I don’t know what you can become?
Apprentice Petrov: Boxing judge, Mary Ivanna!
Teacher: To solve the problem to the board goes ... Trushkin.
Disciple Trushkingoes out to the board.
Teacher: Listen carefully to the problem statement. Dad bought 1 kilogram of sweets, and mom bought another 2 kilograms. How many...
Disciple Trushkinheads for the door.
Teacher: Trushkin, where are you going ?!
Disciple Trushkin: I ran home, there are candy!
Teacher: Petrov, bring your diary here. I'll put your yesterday's deuce in it.
Apprentice Petrov: I don't have it.
Teacher: Where is he?
Apprentice Petrov: And I gave it to Vitka - to scare my parents!
Teacher: Vasechkin, if you have ten rubles, and you ask your brother for another ten rubles, how much money will you have?
Disciple Vasechkin: Ten rubles.
Teacher: You just don't know mathematics!
Disciple Vasechkin: No, you do not know my brother!
Teacher: Sidorov, please answer, how much is three times seven?
Disciple Sidorov: Marya Ivanovna, I will answer your question only in the presence of my lawyer!
Teacher: Why, Ivanov, does your father always do your homework for you?
Student Ivanov: And mom has no free time!
Teacher: Now solve problem number 125 yourself.
Students get down to business .
Teacher: Smirnov! Why are you cheating from Terentyev?
Pupil Smirnov: No, Mary Ivanna, he writes it off from me, and I'm just checking to see if he did it right!
Teacher: Guys, who is Archimedes? Answer me, Shcherbinina.
Shcherbinin's student : This is a mathematical Greek.
Scene "At the lessons of the Russian language"
Characters : teacher and class students
Teacher: Let's hear how you learned your homework. Whoever goes to answer first, he will receive a point higher.
Student Ivanov(reaches out and shouts): Mary Ivanna, I will be the first, put me three at once!
Teacher: Your composition about a dog, Petrov, is word for word similar to Ivanov's!
Apprentice Petrov: Mary Ivanna, so Ivanov and I live in the same yard, and there we have one dog for all!
Teacher: You, Sidorov, have a wonderful composition, but why is it not finished?
Disciple Sidorov: But because dad was urgently called to work!
Teacher: Koshkin, admit who wrote the essay for you?
Disciple Koshkin: I do not know. I went to bed early.
Teacher: As for you, Klevtsov, let your grandfather come to me tomorrow!
Pupil Klevtsov: Grandfather? Maybe dad?
Teacher: No, grandpa. I want to show him what gross mistakes his son makes when he writes an essay for you.
Teacher: What kind of word "egg", Sinichkin?
Pupil Sinichkin: None.
Teacher: Why then?
Pupil Sinichkin: Because it is not known who will hatch out of it: a rooster or a chicken.
Teacher: Petushkov, define the kind of words: "chair", "table", "sock", "stocking".
Pupil Petushkov: "Table", "chair" and "sock" are masculine, and "stocking" is feminine.
Teacher: Why?
Pupil Petushkov: Because only women wear stockings!
Teacher: Smirnov, go to the blackboard, write down and analyze the proposal.
Pupil Smirnov goes to the blackboard .
The teacher dictates and the student writes down : "Dad went to the garage."
Teacher: Ready? We listen to you.
Pupil Smirnov: Dad - subject, gone - predicate, in the garage - ... an excuse.
Teacher: Who guys can come up with a proposal with homogeneous members?
Tyulkina's student pulls her hand .
Teacher: Please, Tyulkina.
Tyulkin's student : There were no trees, no bushes, no grass in the forest.
Teacher: Sobakin, come up with a sentence with the number "three".
Pupil Sobakin: My mom works at a knitted fabric factory.
Teacher: Rubashkin, go to the blackboard, write down a proposal.
Pupil Rubashkin goes to the blackboard .
Teacher dictates: The guys were catching butterflies nets.
Pupil Rubashkin writes : The guys were catching butterflies with glasses.
Teacher: Rubashkin, why are you so inconsiderate?
Apprentice Rubashkin: And what?
Teacher: Where did you see the bespectacled butterflies?
Teacher: Meshkov, what part of speech is the word "dryish"?
Pupil Meshkov, standing up, is silent for a long time .
Teacher: Well, think, Meshkov, what question does this word answer?
Pupil Meshkov: What is it? Dryish!
Teacher: Antonyms are words that are opposite in meaning. For example, fat is thin, crying is laughing, day is night. Petushkov, now give me your example.
Pupil Petushkov: Cat dog.
Teacher: What does the "cat-dog" have to do with it?
Pupil Petushkov: Well, how is it? They are opposite and often fight among themselves.
Teacher: Sidorov, why are you eating apples in class?
Disciple Sidorov: Sorry to waste time during recess!
Teacher: Stop it now! By the way, why weren't you at school yesterday?
Disciple Sidorov: My older brother got sick.
Teacher: What do you have to do with it?
Disciple Sidorov: I rode his bike!
Teacher: Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!
Disciple Sidorov: And the day after tomorrow?
Teacher: Sushkina, come up with an appeal.
Sushkin's student: Mary Ivanna, call!